I hate my life. I've often tried to end it.
In anger, I tell them. They laugh, say I'm just attention seeking. Scream at me, sometimes, that 'why haven't you done it yet?!?'.

I want to, so desperately.
Every single aspect of my life is fucked up.
EVERY THING.
I'm determined to get out of this hell hole that they call 'home' and move somewhere far away, and completely lose contact with them. That is if I can't commit suicide fast enough.
That is how much I hate them.

My friend is a spoilt brat. She's lovely, funny, kind but spoilt and selfish all the same.
She cuts her leg. She says her life is 'hard'.
She's beautiful, smart, funny, tall, has a boyfriend and an amazing family.
She cuts herself because she thinks she doesn't have anything.

I wish I could trade places with her.
I wish it a lot. She cuts her leg purposely for selfish reasons.
I cut myself to end my life. Not being selfish.
I've tried to kill myself from my mother started to hit me, and my dad started to yell. Maybe from I was 10 years old. Maybe 12. Definitely before I became a teenager.

I told all this to a friend when I was 13. I sent it in an email. I felt I could finally share it with someone. I was moved into a different class, and she started to stop contacting me. I needed to tell her something personal.
She thought I was lying, she told me herself. She told people, she never admitted she did, but I knew her type. I knew she would mosey off with another friend and tell them everything she knew about me.
They probably think I was lying. I'm not.
She's not my friend anymore.
She doesn't say 'hi' when she sees me, she doesn't wave when she sees me.
She acts like she was never my best friend.

I have a lot of worries.
I told one person, I tried to tell another.
They don't care.
Nobody cares about little old 'Emily'.

Not even me.

Andrew.

He came up to get me for dinner, I came down, and found out it was pie.
I don't like pastry, but I was just going to eat the food in between it.
He looked at me and said 'I thought you didn't like pastry'
and I said 'I don't, but I'll eat what's inside it.'
He said 'No, Emily. You don't like pastry, don't eat it'.

HE CALLED ME DOWN FOR FUCKING DINNER, AND THEN TOLD ME I COULDN'T EAT IT.

SO I GO HUNGRY FOR ANOTHER FUCKING DAY.
I. HATE. MY. LIFE.